”That’s my secret, Captain: I’m always angry.”
That’s the words of Bruce Banner just before he makes a controlled change into the Hulk. And I’m staring to understand the complexity of that statement. When I first heard I thought to myself that there’s no way that someone is angry all the time. No way. But that was a cool fucking line.
I was wrong. The older I get the angrier I am at most times. Not all the time, but most of them I am angry and it shows through. Like the smile is just a mask that melts away. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed, I’m not emo. I’m just angry all the time. It’s always there. Waiting to rear its head. That’s actually when I feel the most balanced. The most comfortable in my own skin. I’ve gone from being a happy go lucky guy in my early twenties to a mad son a bitch in my late thirties.
The thing that is most interesting is that is what makes me happy. The anger reminds me that I’m alive. Reminds me that blood flows through me still. I feel stagnant and out of place when I am complacent and smiling. Doesn’t feel right. Even people who know me are weirded out by me being in a “good mood”. What they aren’t realizing is that my mood is one hundred percent great when I am angry.
My favorite part is the fact that I don’t give 2 fucks who knows I am angry, because you see I am a realist all the time, I don’t sugar coat, I don’t compliment for everyday normal shit. I will congratulate for someone making sergeant in the police force, that took work and determination. I will not congratulate for someone getting pregnant. What am I supposed to say? Congratulations, you found the hole and didn’t pull out. This is why I don’t have a lot of friends. A fact that I am perfectly fine with. Fuck more friends, people are the fucking worst.
So if some of my rants sound angry, or I come across like a real asshole that’s because I am. And I don’t care who knows it and I couldn’t give less of a fuck about your feelings. I used to say that I hate stupid people, I was completely wrong….. I hate all people.
Go fuck yourself.